


If I could 'Kill Bill'

by Neville_it_up



Category: All For The Game - Nora Sakavic
Genre: Angst and Hurt/Comfort, By a Year, Discussion of Abortion, F/F, F/M, Implied/Referenced Self-Harm, M/M, Multi, Pregnancy, Rape/Non-con Elements, Self-Harm, Self-Mutilation, Soft Neil Josten/Andrew Minyard, Trans Character, Trans Male Character, Trans Neil Josten, i may be projecting, im kinda mean to neil sorry, im sorry neil i really mean it, neil is younger, no one does kevin justice and i love him
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-11-10
Updated: 2020-11-24
Packaged: 2021-03-09 05:08:19
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence, Major Character Death, Rape/Non-Con, Underage
Chapters: 4
Words: 10,508
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27489358
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Neville_it_up/pseuds/Neville_it_up
Summary: So here he was, in the basement, his father stood over him with a cleaver in hand. He couldn’t remember what got him here. The lights too bright and mind too fuzzy from hitting his head on the concrete floor when Lola threw him down the stairs. Still, his father spoke of his punishment, saying it was the last straw, he should have killed him when he gutted his mother, should have bashed his head in and drawn and quartered him when he found him on that beach sobbing over his mothers burnt corpse like a little girl.
Relationships: Katelyn/Aaron Minyard, Kevin Day & Andrew Minyard, Kevin Day & Neil Josten, Kevin Day & Riko Moriyama, Kevin Day/Riko Moriyama, Neil Josten/Andrew Minyard, Neil Josten/Riko Moriyama
Comments: 15
Kudos: 61





	1. prologue

**Author's Note:**

> i don' promise regular updates. 
> 
> i have another work i'll attempt to finish too. check that out??

Prologue:  
What hurt the most was, he didn’t know what he had done wrong. 

When he was younger it was obvious to himself that he deserved it. But as he grew older and stayed in that house, saw those other people coming in and out, sometimes with children his age, he realised their life, although similar, would never have the harsh degree of violence and tyranny his father liked to hold over his small kingdom. 

So here he was, in the basement, his father stood over him with a cleaver in hand. He couldn’t remember what got him here. The lights too bright and mind too fuzzy from hitting his head on the concrete floor when Lola threw him down the stairs. Still, his father spoke of his punishment, saying it was the last straw, he should have killed him when he gutted his mother, should have bashed his head in and drawn and quartered him when he found him on that beach sobbing over his mothers burnt corpse like a little girl. 

He was useless to his father. Never going to be the perfect brutalist son that could take over his empire like he imagined, never going to be the gorgeous silent daughter he could marry off to Riko. But oh god they tried. They tired to give him away as a trophy wife. He kicked and screamed in the middle of dinner and it ended when his father lodged the blunt carving knife into his shoulder hard enough to pop out the shoulder bone just like he’d done with the turkey that was served half an hour before. Riko had laughed at that. Called him a pussy when Nathaniel cried over it.  
He got what he needed for HTR in return for silence, compliance, and rigorous training. It was the only kindness his father had ever offered Nathaniel. So Nathanial grasped onto it desperately. He didn’t ever fight back or sass or forget to do anything. 

So what had he done to be here in the basement with his father holding his knife over the back of his ankle? 

“maybe,” his father had dropped to his knees and moved to caress Nathaniel’s face. “I can grant you one last kindness. Make you more comfortable in your next life. Hmmm?” the older man stroked his hand down to his sons neck, stopping for one of Nathaniel’s ragged breaths, all the way down to his chest. “maybe, I’ll let Lola have a hand at open surgery.” Nathaniel whimpered, eyes widening when he realised what Nathan was insinuating. “Lola, have you read up on tissue removal recently?”

Lola’s laugh was that of a delighted child, ringing high and echoed in the basement. She got up from where she had sat patient with Nathans equipment, ready to hand him whatever he demanded. Her sultry, too wide smile bore into the kid on the floor. She was excited. He was terrified. “I can read as I go. Can’t be too different from gutting a pig, now could it? What do you think, sweet cheeks?”  
Nathaniel had plenty times he was speechless. When in shock. Fear. When he was too tired. Or hungry. Or really couldn’t be arsed. Sometimes though, sometimes he did want to speak, or knew he needed to and desperately tried to muster up the words. But he couldn’t get them out. He would choke and splutter and gasp and no words would come out. When he was a child he’d imagine his words coming up like alphabet soup. Some days he actually threw up, when his mother would slap him and beg him to speak. 

It was one of those days. One of those weeks really. And oh. His fuzzy head had settled whilst his guardians talked over him, discussing the niceties of carving open his chest, removing al the extras and sewing him back up again without anastatic, so he remembered why this was happening. He didn’t speak. If he wasn’t going to speak, he’d ruin everything.  
Tonight, Mr Morimoria was coming, Riko as his gloomy sadistic shadow. They had things to discuss regarding Nathaniel’s ‘future’. It was the second worst day of his life when Riko said he’d still marry Nathaniel, girl or boy. The teens parents were delighted. Nathaniel thought on his fucked-up shoulder from the Christmas of his 13th year and decided against protesting this time. That didn’t mean he could be silent through the dinner that regarded his future engagement. Polite and compliant did not mean silent.  
So his father was going to cut the silence out of him, or his son would die in the process of it. 

Nathan removed his large hand from the redheads chest. It was a heavy relief. “im going to reschedule dinner with Mr Morimoria. Lola, get started. Tell me what you need, ill get it for you” Lola did a little bow and clapped her hands, thanking Nathan for such fun. “Nathaniel, my dear child.” Nathaniel looked into his father’s eyes. Didn’t dare blink. “if you decide to stop sulking and tell me you can go to dinner right now. With your words. We can stop all this nonsense and we can discuss this issue another time.” He smiled. It didn’t touch his eyes. “we can even see a professional, don’t want to hand you off to your husband half prepared, now would we?”

Nathaniel gasped and struggled, still looking at his father. The words where there so close. So so so close to tumbling out he could say it he could he knew what to say how to beg to his father to Lola. Lola was stroking his hair, encouraging gently like she was stroking a baby animal, and injured baby animal that shed just hunted and was about to eat. Nathaniel threw up.  
He didn’t go to dinner. He didn’t even make it out of the basement for the next few days. 

At some point, time didn’t even exist. And then it was over and Riko was by his bed, cupping his face and smiling softly.  
“you’re so handsome, you know that Nate?” he exhaled a soft laugh, his deep black eyes crinkling at the sides kindly “so beautiful. You’re everything I wanted. My uncle was furious when I first said I wanted to marry a man. Furious that I wouldn’t have children. But then I explained to him that you’re perfect in every way. A man. A beautiful man. With a powerful father in business with my own. A man with a womb.” Nathaniel jolted away. The pain he was ignoring shot up his torso and under his armpits, through to his pounding head. He settled back down at the lightest of guidance from Rikos gentle hand. “our children will be beautiful too.”


	2. chapter one: weddings

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> teen pregnacy,  
> arranged marriage,  
> mentions of past abuse,  
> sugesstion of rape,  
> self harm,  
> mentions of underaged sex
> 
> I don't know how long chapters should be.

When they were children, Kevin, Riko and Nathaniel where encouraged to play together. 

Their parents would leave them all in a room, or a courtyard, or a garden, maybe a whole house with a nanny, whilst they enjoyed their own time as adults. The kids spent their time as they wished.  
At first Nathaniel found it difficult to fit in to the exclusive world that the other boys had built for themselves. Back then, he was Nahmah: the name was the closest thing to touching on his mother’s religion that Nathan had allowed. He allowed that kindness again when Nathaniel was re-named, in his middle name. 

They’d only accepted a girl into their ranks because she was constantly there and turned out to be just as much as a ruffian ready to jump into the mud and fight back as they were. When he was thirteen, and his name officially changed, Nathaniel was welcomed into their ranks with a confident number 4 written on his cheek. He would have been no. 3, if it wasn’t for the gloomy French boy who was added into the ranks of Mr. Morimorias adopted sons a year prior. Jean and Nathaniel never talked much, an understanding between them to not get in each other’s way, despite Rikos instance on them getting along and being best friends just like he and Kevin. Their time spent alone together was they grew up was almost silent; it was the only time Nathaniel would relax.  
Seeing only one of his brothers at his wedding worried him. 

Kevin’s absence had put Riko in a bad mood, his gorgeous smiles faltering as soon as those who weren’t in his inner circle looked away. He’d made niceties all morning with staff and his family. He’d hidden Nathaniel away in a dressing room near the Shinto shrine they were to marry at; He’d been more possessive recently, keeping Nate and the baby in his womb coddled. His patience with Jean was short, and he’d already struck the man across his back with a staff. 

Jean himself definitely knew something about it and Riko was testing him. Jean didn’t even tell Nathaniel about it. Normally they kept to their pact to make sure both of them where on the same page of what was on Riko’s agender each day; they where both the meekest and easiest to strike out of his set of brothers. 

Riko had not said a thing to Neil about it whilst he dressed him in his suit. It was shocking deep red velvet, to compliment his ferocious hair. It washed the teens skin out to paper white and made his glacier eyes shine with a new shade of blue. The suit fit like a glove, showing off Nathaniel’s long delicate legs and trim waist. It also made his recently developing baby bump uncomfortably obvious. Riko liked all this, described it all in detail as he combed product through his spouse’s hair, eyes crinkled in an excited smile in the mirror. He tilted the redheads chin up, to grant access for a light kiss on his forehead, and then slid his hands down to the bump of Nathaniel’s stomach. 

The sixteen-year-old stiffened under the hold but stayed quiet and steady. He hadn’t spoken all day, hoping to save his words for the vows, desperately paranoid that if he spoke now, he’d fuck up later. Riko understood this. Had grown used to it. It still frustrated him to no end. 

The older boy sighed, and instead brough his hand up to caress the 4 he’d had inked permanently on to Nathaniel’s cheekbone once their engagement had been confirmed. To the younger boy, this was the only seal of possession Riko would need to tell him he was owned. However, Riko was a romantic, and was desperate for a traditional wedding. 

He’d meticulously conducted a mix between American and Japanese wedding traditions. He’d neglected to ask the redhead if he practiced the same religion as his late mother, and instead assumed a Christian tradition like Nathan threw around when convenient. Riko wanted for a Shinto setting but didn’t expect Nathaniel to wear anything but a suit, much to the kids relief. Wearing the brides traditional clothing would be humiliating to no end. He thanked who ever was watching over him for this small relief, even if they failed him in every other aspect.  
.

Jean had been biding his time to tell Nathaniel was going on. What was meant to happen today. All he needed was for Riko to leave the room for five minutes but the man was attached to the poor kid like he was on a leash. 

His back stung already for acting out of place. But it wouldn’t be anything worse than what he got later today; he knew that for a fact. He would probably be killed. Maybe he wanted it. Coward.  
It made him sick when he saw the pair together. Riko was all soft touches and light voices and careful smiles when he was around the youngest of his brothers. In turn, Nathaniel was quiet and compliant and never asked for anything. 

When he was younger, Nathaniel pissed Jean off for no end. Around the other boys, the kid was a loud mouth know it all who blasted off in anger by attacking trees with their own snapped off branches and starting verbal fights with Kevin that always ended in them both grappling on the floor. He just knew how to get at anything the right way to irritate it to murder. Jean recalled a time when they where granted the allowance of a puppy from Mr. Morimoria. They had it for all of 6 months before Nate convinced the kind thing to bite him hard enough to rip away the skin up his arm. It had been put down for that. The kid apologised to Jean about it desperately. 

Eventually, Jean gave up being annoyed over it. He got what Nathaniel was doing. In the same way Jean was desperate to not be seen as much as he could be, Nathaniel didn’t know what to do when he wasn’t being watched by everyone. Nathan had brought him up in a strict watch and be watched environment which demanded his son become used to punishment and become restless when he wasn’t experiencing it. 

He was also viciously protective of Kevin and Jean when Riko was in his foulest of moods. He was the first to fight back out of the three, and always the one that ended up losing.  
The older boy didn’t know when it happened, but one day Nathaniel stopped. He didn’t argue or fight even on the days when words where still his. He didn’t kick and scream or fight and spit. He didn’t even tease at Kevin like he was so fond in his most bored moments. 

Now, all Nathaniel really did was sit and look pretty, just the way Riko liked him.  
.

When Nathaniel spotted him, his knees felt weak. The handsome man stood at the back of the room in a satin suit of black, guilted with golden embroidery. He fit right in with the declared theme of the wedding, all oppressive pattern and Shinto gods with wild eyes in dancing paintings with their smooth slanting smiles. Anyone wearing a plain suit stood out. Neil stood out. But that was done on purpose, just like Uncle Stewart had purposefully fit in. 

The man locked eyes with the bride across the room and brought his finger to his lips in a cheeky ‘don’t tell anyone’. So he hadn’t got an invitation. Obviously. His uncle and his father didn’t exactly get along after Nathan had brutalised his wife, Stewarts sister, to death. 

Nathaniel was relieved. He was the only person on the brides’ side of the seating arrangement that he cared to have here. If his mother was alive, he’d have her stood next to him. Stewarts cheeky smile wasn’t quite the same as his mothers own weak one, but their lips where the same shape, dimples the same depth. 

The teen tried not to stare at his uncle as he stepped up the aisle, towards Riko who was smiling his handsome smile, Jean at his side with his usual blank expression. To Riko’s right stood Nathaniel’s father, also smiling wide. He was there to give Nathaniel away. To finally get rid of his useless failure of a daughter, failure of a son. No one else in the room earned the bride’s attention; the four men being his greatest fears combined already had his head swimming. 

His father, Nathan: his founding man, setting the law and striking those who break it.

Riko: ready to use him as a breeding cattle, taking away his little freedom with the whimsies of love. 

Jean: the one thing he’s been able to protect and will have to continue to exhaust himself to do so. 

And his uncle Stewart: too similar to his mother, a strange comfort that welcomed weakness Nathaniel could not afford to have. 

when Nathaniel stepped upon the raised level that Riko stood at, awaiting his arrival, he bowed to the Shaman, then Riko in turn. Then everyone knelt in unison. The audience stayed standing. The shaman opened his mouth to start in a slow steady breath “we ar-“. He never did finish his sentence. 

Instead, a bullet was lodged into his forehead. 

Nathaniel knew immediately to turn Uncle Stewarts way. He responded without thought to the lilting British accent that screamed towards him “duck!”


	3. chapter two: brothers

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> suggestions of rape  
> underage sex  
> dysphoria   
> misgendering
> 
> \--  
> Nathaniel meets Andrew.

When Nathaniel was 14, he started to write a list. It was a carefully written device to survive and not just go mad like he knew he would soon. He wrote a list ranking the most horrible parts of his life from worst to almost bearable. When he had first written it, the day of his mothers’ death and having to bury her still hot bones in a Californian beach was at the top. Lola had approached him to take him home to Baltimore whilst he was in desperate mourning and decided he needed hurting to teach him that this feeling of loss wasn’t the worst thing he’d ever experience. She was right. The nigh he spent with her meant his mothers’ death was placed at no.2. 

When he was just turned 16, the top of the list read ‘engaged to Riko Moriyama’. The wedding would be set to happen a day after his 17th birthday. It was sick and twisted and he let it happen.   
Two months later, the top of the list became the fourth date with Riko. The date in itself was pleasant, at worst a social struggle for Nathaniel. Riko was in a good mood and took him to many expensive places and paraded his pretty young boyfriend in front of his school friends. What ruined it was in Rikos excitement, he got in the mood. When they returned to his apartment the older boy laid his boyfriend down on the bed, whispered sweet nothings, and took away everything sweet Nathaniel had tried to keep to himself. The night was long. The bed was soft. Riko was ravenous. It was sick and twisted and he let it happen.

After that, it wasn’t so bad anymore. Nathaniel was used to it and learned when to expect it. Riko would take him to bed nearly every day and brag about how he will get Nathaniel knocked up with so many beautiful children. He would make his father and brother proud and build his own empire. 

For Nathaniel it meant going off hormone treatment. He hated it but didn’t know how to protest anymore. And so, his period came back. Then it went. This went on the list in first place.   
7 months of his body getting used to itself again, and his brain freaking out and fucking up and going numb. More and more quiet days. More dates with an ecstatic Riko happened, each of them ending the same way Nate expected. After so, so long, he was pregnant. The 20 year old had been making sure Nathaniel took a pregnancy test after every time; in his waiting he had become crazed and almost desperate during sex. But it was fine, because it was the only time Nathaniel had had rough hands laid upon him from Riko since the engagement had been confirmed. Once the pregnancy had been confirmed by a doctor, Riko hurried the kid out of his Fathers house to live with the Moriyama’s.   
It was sick and twisted and he let it happen.

.

He definitely wasn’t at home. Neither his fathers house in Baltimore, nor Riko’s uncles house in Virginia, nor the small apartment Riko kept in the city. 

At first, Nathaniel thought he was 11 or 12 and lying in a dingy motel. The mattress beneath him was stiff enough, and the air smelled of the bleach Mary, his mother, would use to scrub their clothes when they got particularly bloody. When his mother had decided enough was enough, it was fast and unplanned and didn’t work for long enough because she underestimated how furious her husband would be. They had about two and a half years away from Baltimore. During that time, his mother had slept in the same bed as Nahmah with her hand gripping his wrist.   
The lack of another body in his bed brought him back to the present, because if she wasn’t there, he definitely wasn’t 11. He was newly 17, and meant to be marrying Riko Moriyama right now. 

He willed his eyes open, and pushed himself up against the headboard. The room was white. There was a wire in his arm and a cap on this index finger connected to a beeping machine. The room had windows on two walls, and a bathroom across from his bed. There was no one else there. The blinds where closed on one side of the room, with the door, and the other set of windows displayed a bright blue sky over a parking lot. 

His legs where numb, painfully so, and he spent a few minutes beating his legs to get his toes moving. Once that was done, he swung his feet to the ground and stood to approach the window and asses how many floors up he was. He just knew he had to leave. Riko would be furious that he wasn’t at home, now that he’s pregnant. Absently he brushed his hand across the bump. He couldn’t jump from a second story room onto the grassy patch along the pavement. It would hurt the foetus. Then he’d be killed for killing it. 

To be able to move beyond his bed, he had to remove the wires on his arm. The finger clamp was easy. Then he peeled away the tape holding in the needle in his wrist. It was uncomfortable to remove and bled when he ripped it out too fast, but he didn’t much care. He watched the blood well up and drip to the floor over his fingers. Then looked up at the person who walked through the door.   
They looked at Nathaniel, stood in a blue frock, with his unhooked wires and dear in the headlights eyes, too big for his delicate face, and sighed. “hey, kid, imma need you to sit back down in bed. You really need the rest. You and the baby” their smile was sweet. So is Rikos. He didn’t trust smiles. 

The person waited at the door for the redhead to make a move, but he didn’t. His only way out was the door, he needed the person to move. So he tested his throat and said “who are you?” It was more of a pathetic rasp, barely audible. The person obviously hadn’t heard him. He felt sick again, all his words building up in his trachea and suffocating him. So he moved to the bathroom and threw up. A hand rubbed his back as he wretched over the toilet bowl, much like Riko would do when his morning sickness hit. 

“its okay, get it all up. There, there” the person soothed. Nathaniel moved away from their reach as soon as he had the strength and turned to frown at them. Their short hair and big glasses where the same colour as the bright red lipstick on their big lips, just like Lola’s favorite shade to wear, but it had a different effect on their dark skin. Nathaniel was glad for it. ”Let’s get you back to the bed. You don’t have to lie down, but at least sit” the teen was silent, but complied. 

“we’re working on having someone come pick you up, darling, as you obviously can’t go back there” they spoke as they laid a blanket over Nathaniel’s bare legs. He was actually quite cold.   
He shook his head. He didn’t want anyone to pick him up. He decided he was happy here in the random room for a while. He knew he’d be punished when he returned, maybe even on the car ride home. Maybe they’d cut off a finger. Maybe they’d brand him with more than a tattoo. They wouldn’t hit him or bruise him, Riko would be the one to do that.   
Riko will be a furious husband. 

And he’d be furious that they weren’t yet married. He couldn’t believe his uncle had done that. He’d be in so much trouble. Uncle Stewart would probably be dead for an act like that. The Moriyamas, as much as they ignored the side branch, would get involved when it came to Nate and Rikos marriage. It had gained attention from Ichirou. He had congratulated Nathaniel on conceiving in a short message to Riko. It had been the first time he’d ever spoken to his younger brother. 

Quietly, Nathaniel hoped Riko was dead. 

“you don’t want to be picked up?” #

He shook his head at them as to say, no, definitely not. 

“I’m sorry, we’ve already called someone up. And there’s a nice policeman coming to get you” He gripped the sheets. Whenever the police had come to his fathers house, Nathaniel would be hurt for being too quiet. His father said it made him seem suspicious. One time, his father lost his cool as soon as the police left the room and struck Nathaniel on the shoulder with the closest thing he could hold. It was a hot iron. 

“ ‘Virginan Shinto wedding massacre’ they called it” the person spoke again. Nathaniel watched them hook him back up to the machines. “I think its meant to be a play on Kill Bill, given the similarities in what happened. I’m sorry.”

Nathaniel didn't know what Kill Bill was. 

.

Nathaniel’s career had been decided when he was very young. Because he was to grow up into a surely beautiful woman, and his father had people to impress, young Nahmah suffered through finishing school on top of whatever Nathan deemed necessary at home. A lot of his at home lessons where spent alone with Lola, in the basement or traipsing through the woods. 

He had been told once, that if he was born into the world a boy, he would have been playing Exy with Riko, Kevin and Jean. By the time Nathaniel was allowed to be Nathaniel it was too late to train him up to play. It was already established that he’d be a murderer or a house husband. Both, probably. He still got the tattoo that was meant to be dedicated to those part of Rikos court, because he belonged to Riko, and in another life he would have been Jeans defensive partner on the court. 

Nathaniel enjoyed Exy from the side-lines. It was the only thing both he and Riko had found in common beyond their sadistic families. He’d been to many a game with his boyfriend, pictures had been pasted in tabloids of the pair. Rikos perfect partner who he’d openly declared he’d marry as soon as the media speculated about them. Nathaniel was adored and hated by fans. He was expected to sit at Rikos Exy games and cheer him on. The redhead often only cheered for Jean, knowing Kevin already had a big enough support group. 

.

Jean was beaten as soon as he awoke. Tetsuji, who was not present at the wedding due to business, explained in a steady voice in between sets of beatings that Stewart Hatford, Nathaniel’s uncle on his mothers side, had decided he objected to the marriage. Being a mafia family head, shooting everyone he didn’t like there was his method of protesting. 

It was all over the news. So many people where dead. Jean couldn’t believe it. 

People who felt invincible where dead after a nice shiny bullet to the head or chest. Lola. Romero. Nathan. He felt for the people caught in the cross fire.

Riko, apparently was physically fine. Emotionally, he was probably going off the edge. 

Nathaniel had been removed from the Moriyama’s hold in the clean-up. The chaos of the killings had roughed him up a bit. He’d tried to run towards his uncle, instead getting hit in the head and stabbed by Lola as she noticed him running. Jean remembered the look on Nathaniel’s young, startled face as she crouched over him and threatened to cut his legs off for his father. Just as she drew her arm back, a shot hit the side of her skull and exploded onto poor Nathaniel. Her body collapsed on top of him. He didn’t move. Jean didn’t see him move for the rest of the time the shootings went on. In reality, it was probably a five-minute affair. To Jean, frozen in a keeled position with the shaman’s blood flecked across his face, it was hours. He doesn’t remember where Riko went, too focused on Nathaniel’s attempt to flee. 

The last shot, he saw. It was from Stewart, as he stood over Nathan still kneeling across from Jean. His torso was already a pin cushion of bullets, and how he was still upright Jean didn’t know. Stewart cocked the gun into Nathans head of red hair, the exact same shade as Nathaniel sported, and fired. 

.

The police that came into see Nathaniel where grating on the boys nerves. They kept asking him questions he’d be killed by his dad for answering. They hadn’t even told him what happened. He didn’t think it worth trying to explain to them that he just couldn’t speak anyway, even if he wanted to. No one ever understood his issue with words. Not even Jean, despite his quiet acceptance of it.

“look kid. You’re family to three mafia affiliated persons. You have to know something. We actually have to assume that you’re involved and apprehend you. We’ll have to send you to juive whether you give us something to write down or not, so how about you help us out” the one who introduced himself as Browning said. “girls in juivie aren’t going to like the new girl being pregnant. Give us answers and maybe we’ll help you out a little.”

Nathaniel wanted to throw his official documents stating him as male in the mans face. This shit was so tiring, and all he’d been doing was listening and glaring every time they said something stupid. Which was every word they said, really. 

He didn’t know what they expected a 5’2” 17 year old stick of a boy to be able to contribute to his families less than savoury activities, but he’d probably be way less help than they liked to think. Most of what happened was kept a secret from Nathaniel. The little he knew was from sneaking about at night and peeking in on meetings. He’d been caught twice. Lola enjoyed carving away skin on his back with a pen knife on both occasions. 

“look” the police man sat to the left of Nathaniel started. “corporate really will just have us sat here with you all day. So why don’t you get to talking, missy.”

Nathaniel didn’t talk. Instead he laid back down on the bed and pretended to sleep. There was no way he’d actually speak to the men. His distrust in law enforcement would never weaken. 

“we need a guardian to come pick him up”

“like anyone would want a pregnant kid from a mafia family”

“non of them are going to come to him, that would be like walking right into custody for any of them”

Nathaniel knew this. He knew he knew. They’d wait to pick him up when he was out of everyone’s sight. He didn’t want to leave; he was scared of what would happen when they found him. A part of him told him at least if he was going home, he’d know what to expect. 

The teen heard the door open behind him. He shucked the bed covers over his head whilst the policemen questioned what the extra person was doing in here. 

“Nathaniel? Kevin asked me to come get you.”

.

Kevin, as the closest thing to legal family that Nathaniel had right now who wasn’t suspected by the FBI as permanent breakers of the law, quickly got temporary custody of Nathaniel. He had money and lawyers and fame, and his appeal was filed soon after he heard about the massacre. 

Kevin wouldn’t be coming near Virginia though (Nathaniel couldn’t blame him), and had sent David Wymack to pick him up in his place. The two men who had interrogated Nathaniel couldn’t deny his access to the kid and sent them away with promise of coming to visit Nathaniel again soon. 

Wymack took Nathaniel to his home, in Carolina. They travelled by car to his apartment just a mile off Palmetto University campus; Wymack had pointed out the exy court as they passed. It was unmissable, a glary bright orange, with high stands and towering walls. 

The ride was tense. Wyamck reminded Nathaniel too much of his own father, with their similar heights, muscularity, and choice in casual wear: scuffed up jeans and a plain white tee. The man tried to talk the tension away but gave up after an hour of travel and turned the radio onto a popular station. 

The mans apartment was small, on the fourth floor of an almost empty apartment block. Nathaniel wondered how easy it would be to break into one of the neighboring flasts and lay low in there when it got too much for him. Hed try pick the locks later, when Wymack stopped watching him so closely. 

“It isn’t much. Living room,” the man pointed through an open door, “kitchen,” there was a small breakfast island in the middle of it, no room for an actual dining table, “bedroom, and beside that, bathroom.” The man knocked on the door in front of him with one knuckle, “this hears the office. If you end up staying here for a while, we’ll switch it into your bedroom.” 

Nathaniel had followed the coach at a snail’s pace as to keep out of the mans reach, but nodded mutely when David looked back to see if he understood. The man watched him for a little longer than necessary before moving onto the living room, calling behind him “you’ll be okay on the couch for a while, right?” Nathaniel had noticed his eyes where the same shade of greyish-green that Kevin’s where. 

“right. Now that we’ve dropped off your stuff, lets go see that idiot brother of yours” the man led the way back out of the flat and out to the car. They drove for only five minutes before hitting a cul-de-sac with houses that fit more into the 2.5 children and one dog scene, as opposed to Wymacks bachelor pad. When they parked, it was on the drive of a house half-way down the street. A woman waited out on the porch for them, an apron tied around her plump waist, dusty blonde curls tucked in a messy bun. 

She greeted them with a toothy smile and ushered the two men into the house. She introduced herself as Abby Winfeild, the nurse of Wymack’s exy team. 

“if you don’t mind, please leave your shoes on the rack, dear” 

Nathaniel nodded and Abbey told him Kevin was waiting in the living room. “I was afraid he’d have kittens waiting for you” she giggled. Her and Wyamck walked towards the kitchen at the end of the hall when Nathaniel turned to the living room door. 

.

When Nathaniel entered the living room of Abbys house, the first person in his line of sight was Kevin. The older boy stood as soon as he saw Nathaniel shuffle in the room. “Nate. I didn’t know how hurt you’d be” Nathaniel struggled out of the hug. The man smelt of liquor and probably needed a shower. He took Kevin’s face in his hand, turning it side to side. Then he stepped back and checked the rest of the other man. He was fine, apart from the bruise up his face, and the sling around his left hand. His playing hand. Nate touched it lightly. Kevin looked down at it, huffed, and his face went from worried to defeated as he looked back into the younger boys ice blue eyes. “Riko” is all he said. Neil understood, and hugged Kevin again. If he could muster up anger right now, Nathaniel would have screamed at Kevin for leaving Jean. 

“you’re always such a mother hen” Kevin laughed sadly. “start worrying about yourself before others.” Nathaniel didn’t miss how Kevins eyes glanced down to Nathaniel’s stomach, hidden beneath the large hoodie Wymack had given him somewhere down the ride here. 

They’d also stopped at a target and bought him some trainers, jeans and a couple hoodies that actually fit him. Nathaniel needed the big hoodie to hide in right now though. Otherwise he’d be exposed. No one knew about the pregnancy but family. And Wymak because it had been explained to him at the hospital. That was already too much for the boy the process. 

After Kevin was delt with, Nathaniel turned his attention to the stranger in the room. He’d seen him on TV, when Kevin insisted the Ravens watch teams outside of their district to broaden their knowledge. Andrew Minyard. The man had a twin, but Neil was pretty sure it was Andrew he was looking at, because Kevin had never expressed an interest in befriending the other twin. Andrew though, Kevin had almost come his pants talking about his potential in the game; his obsession with the goalie had has Nathaniel feeling sorry for Kevin’s girlfriend. When they tried to enlist Andrew to their team almost a year back, Kevin had spent his days grumbling about waste of potential and shitty attitudes after the short blonde man had rejected Kevin’s proposal. It looked like they stayed in contact despite the struggle. 

Andrew smiled so wide and unfaltering that it looked like it hurt. He watched Nathaniel from his seat, half draped across the armchair in the corner. 

“Nathaniel, this is Andrew. He’s helping me out a bit. You remember watching Andrew play, right?” 

The kid nodded. 

Andrew laughed like a child. “silent treatment, huh, sprout? Come on. Say hi? Unfortunately, I’ll be playing babysitting with Kevin for however long you’re here, so that just means I have too brats to keep on a leash” he adjusted himself to lean forward. Nathaniel instinctively stepped back, despite being on the other side of the room from the man. “come meet uncle Andrew” 

“Andrew, don’t do that” Kevin whined. 

“shut up, coward, I’ve been so excited about meeting another one of your brothers. Is he as sadistic as your dear Riko? He’d have to be to want to marry the man right? Its only fate that two psychopaths would fall in love young and torment their family together.”

Kevin wasn’t helping at all with the cradling of his broken hand to his chest. It spurred Andrew on. 

“do you like smashing brothers hands up with exy racquets too? Come here to finish the job on the other one?” 

By now, Nathaniel was letting it wash over him. He was used to taunting and had no means to respond anyway. 

“look, he’s not denying it, Kevin!” Andrew clapped his hands. “I say we throw little Nate right back to where he came from. They will want him back sooner or later. Why not make it easy for them?”

“he can’t even speak, Andrew, stop being a dick” Kevin’s voice was weak though. To the red head it was obvious that Kevin’s mind was reeling with the temptation of Andrews suggestion. Who actually wanted Nathaniel around anyway? He was just a burden. Kevin sat down on the sofa next to a half full bottle of whiskey, was fumbling with the lid. “we can let him go back. They’ll kill him.”

He didn’t have to say it, but Andrew seemed to be delighted by harsh truths. “they’ll kill you for trying to keep him away. I can’t really do my job then, can I ickle Kev Kev. I didn’t agree to playing parent with you”

When all Kevin did in response was gulp down some whiskey, Andrew stood and whipped his hand out to rip it from the other man’s hand. “come talk to me when you actually know what you want, Kevin.”   
He stormed out of the room, through double doors, that Nathaniel presumed led into the kitchen, with the whiskey bottle in hand. 

Kevin sat on the sofa looking at his hands, whilst Nathaniel drew up the hood of his hoodie and shrank back into it. 

“I’m sorry, Nathaniel. I’m sorry I didn’t do anything before”   
His elder brother wept.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> thoughts?


	4. chapter three: settling in

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> i don't think i need any TW beyond Dysphoria, breifly.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> im tryna set the scene and develop clear character dynamics here. idk if im doing an alright job. 
> 
> again, no promise of a real schedule for posting. i just write whenever i get an idea.

The first truly good news Nathaniel had got in a while was through the radio. Wymack had woken up Nathaniel early and told him to get ready to go to the court. On the short car ride there, it was time for updates on the morning news. The fourth story of the day was about his father:   
“The body of Nathan Wesininski, otherwise known as The Butcher of Baltimore, was confirmed dead at the scene of last weeks ‘Virginian wedding massacre’. The FBI revealed this morning that this had been confirmed by several detectives who had worked with close suspicion of his work life for over a decade. Along with him were found the bodies of a Lola Malcome and Romero Malcome, both considered Nathan Wesinksi’s second in command. More on this will be revealed later at 5pm EST from the Baltimore police and detective department.” Wymack and Nathaniel both listened to the whole story without interruption, and the coach turned off the radio once it was done. They sat in the cab of the man’s truck for two minutes before he ushered Nathaniel out with a “let’s get moving, kid”.   
For all Nathaniel could tell, he was experiencing shock. Lola’s death, he knew, watched, felt her murdered body fall upon him in a heavy heap. But it had felt more like a distant dream. Now it was very real. And it wasn’t just her, but also her brother and Nathaniel’s father. 

Nathaniel followed behind coach into the bright orange arena, they had to go through three locked doors and long corridors before they reached the main area for the team. In the centre wall was a massive tv and surrounding a coffee table in the centre of the room was two sofas and a couple arm chairs. The wall to Nathaniel’s right upon entry was littered with pictures, some taken from screen caps of the games and photos during press time, others obviously taken by the team themselves. Most of them featured the three girls on the team, sweaty and posing, others with the team off-guard and pissing around. There was two corridors not including the one they had just walked through to get here, one to the left with a door marked with a cross and the door across form it being to a room with windows that could see into the central lounge. That must be the coach’s office, Nathaniel thought. The other corridor had two doors facing each other marked ‘ladies’ and ‘gentlemen’. After he had taken his fill of the room, the teen turned round to face coach. The man stood looking at the room with his hands on his hips, a small fond smile on his lips. Nathaniel would ask what time it was, a bit late to realising it was still half dark outside. Everything was a haze, apart from the reeling thoughts about when Riko would come get him and take him home now that his Father wouldn’t be around to do it. 

“I have shit to set up before we head to the gym with my team. You can hang out here and use the TV for an hour, that a problem kid?” Wymack grumbled. 

The ginger teen shook his head and pulled his hood up over his head. 

“Abby will be here in about 15 minutes with breakfast sandwiches, okay?”

Again, Nathaniel nodded. This whole not being able to talk was getting old when for once there was someone attempting to engage in conversation without it seeming like a test. 

Nathaniel had spent approximately 23 awake hours with Wyamck by now and had been gathering everything about how much of a risk he was since the first second he saw him, in the hospital. He was definitely dangerous, and could hurt Nathaniel and the baby easily, but hadn’t shown any frustration towards the teen beyond sighs every time he attempted to coax and answer out of Nathaniel and got nothing but the big baby blues staring back at him on an impassive face. 

Predictably, Wyamck stared at Nathaniel for a minute, waiting for another, better response, then sighed, and turned away into his office, grumbling under his breath about ‘fucking Riko Moriyama, fucking Kevin day, fucking shitty parents’  
.

Nathaniel ate breakfast with Abby in the common room, and then camped out there in silence, doing a whole load of nothing, until 6am. Wymack came out declaring it was time to head up to the gym.   
At the gym, the team was whining about it being too early in the morning and too late in the season for this to be worth anything. Nathaniel agreed, as the Foxes winning streak wasn’t exactly winning, and more like making the exy court into a fight club. They weren’t going to be able to make up for this seasons mistakes all the way in late January. For the foxes, they would probably be out of the running’s in a game or two. 

They barely spared a glance to Nathaniel, didn’t even notice him, spare Kevin and Andrew. Kevin sent him a pathetic squint (the man was always bad with mornings) and Andrew a cheeky wave, dopey smile and all. For the most part, Nathaniel hid behind Wymack as much as he could without getting in hitting range. 

Wymack shouted a couple orders here and there, swore about the eldest upperclassmen skipping on gym time and how he was going to sign them up for a marathon, and then set to work around the gym making sure his players were maintaining form and not slacking off. Kevin was much the same, however considerably a lot more bitchy about it. He was in his element here; Nathaniel always thought Kevin would do a better job at captaincy than Riko. He never expressed that out loud of course. 

Kevin had noticed Nathaniel literally just sitting and hiding in the back corner of the room where he could see everyone at once and stepped off the treadmill he was dominating. 

“What’re you doing?” Kevin asked. He still sounded half-awake despite the shouting he was doing fifteen minutes prior. 

Nathaniel shrugged in reply, and held his hands out to say nothing, got nothing to do. Kevin understood, only because they’d been dealing with Nates silence for so long. 

“Do you not have a book or something?” 

Another negative response from Nate. 

Kevin made to sigh, but was cut off when a phone hit the side of his head. Nathaniel flinched for him and scooted back on his seat, expecting to see Riko about to tell Kevin to stop babying the younger teen. He always got mad when other people acted kind towards Nathaniel in the way he thought he was being. 

A childish laughter peeled through the gym at Kevin’s spluttering surprise. It was not Riko. Riko was not there. 

“Just let him play phone games. Snake is entertaining enough, isn’t it carrot top?” Andrew was still at his station on the leg press, but had his legs stretched out fully and his arms were hanging down to the floor as he laid back on the apparatus’ seat. It would look leisurely if it wasn’t for the stack of weights Andrew was holding up. No. He still made it look leisurely. 

“You threw a fucking Nokia brick at me! Andrew, you ass hole” 

“at least we know my aim is perfect as always.” Andrew chirped back. 

“fuck off Andrew,” he turned back to his brother, “Are you okay with that, are you gonna be okay? I’m taking you out shopping after this. Me and Andrew. Maybe Nicky. Aaron has class.” 

Nathaniel just nodded along to what Kevin was saying. If he could, he’d say I’m fine. It was just like being with Riko, he thought, being dragged around with groups of men older than him to be shown off.

“stop annoying your Ward, Kev-Kev, we all know you don’t have a loving bone in your body for anything but exy.”

Kevin stomped over to Andrew and then changed his tune to telling Andrew to actually lift instead of just lying there when he processed Andrews stationary position. Everyone else ignored the two idiots. Nathaniel figures they were used to it but found it hard to not be anxious about the noise himself. 

Once they’d been separated by Wymack, though, he opened the snake app on the archaic phone and was slightly less bored for the next 30 minutes.  
.

Sometimes, when Nathaniel's words left him, he’d hide for a while. It was easier this way. When it had first started, he was probably about 6 years old. It started in short bursts where suddenly talking felt like he was being dragged through mud, but it wasn’t much of a hassle when he was expected to quietly behave. 

However, on days when he didn’t have to, it was frustrating. There was no clear trigger. Just a few hours of silence and then his voice would come bubbling back. Hanging out with Riko and Kevin was hard when it happened because they would tease him. As they got to know each other better, and the times Nathaniel stayed silent had more of a clear pattern depending on his parent’s mood, they’d accommodate for him the best that their own short tempers could handle. 

Some days, Nathaniel would be dropped off at Rikos, or at the court at Evermore, his lips sealed shut and Kevin would be annoyed at him for it. He would tell the younger kid to stop being stupid and just talk to him. Kevin’s ego had him thinking that the redhead did it on purpose to annoy him. 

They got older and understood their situations better. Kevin and Riko were less blinded by their perfect world of exy, starting to experience the sting of Tetsuji’s cane when they made mistakes; they picked up their own coping mechanisms, and recognised Nathaniel's silence for what it was. 

Riko Googled it one day. Selective mutism came up in the search engine. Nathaniel said it didn’t feel so selective. Riko thought they could beat it out of him. If he screamed, it would be the end of the period of muteness, right? At first it worked. Then Nathaniel was 11 years old and being offered up to Riko as his wife. His mother whisked him away from home soon after.   
When he came back, the periods of silence where longer, and much, much more painful for Nathaniel. 

Around the time they found out about the pregnancy, Nathaniel stopped seeing Kevin and Jean so much. He talked a lot less because of it. He’d had a whole month where he didn’t talk at all beyond light humms and ‘yes’s and ‘no’s. But they’d never consumed him so tightly like this before. Nathaniel could tell this silence was here to stay with a tight grip on his throat and deep control over his mental coherence.   
.

The upperclassmen who had come to gym where the girls and the man who reminded Nate of a big puppy, had tried to catch a glimpse of Nathaniel on their way out. Wymack had sensed Nathaniel’s discomfort that the attention, but failed to usher Kevin and Andrew and their group out with them. 

The first to approach him was a tan man with a head of black loose curls. He smiled like everything in life was perfect. Nathaniel knew it wasn’t, even for the man, because to even qualify for the Foxes you had to be from a shitty situation. It was the Foxes biggest strength, and their biggest weakness. 

“Hi, I’m Nicky. I know it doesn’t look like it, but I’m Andrew and Aarons cousin. You’re Kevin’s like, younger brother, right? You’re such a cutie”  
Nathaniel was used to the compliments like this form Riko’s friends. He never knew how to respond. 

Andrew responded for him before Nate could even blink. “fuck off Nicky. In fact, don’t go near him.” The man was 5 foot clean and didn’t look like much, but in this moment, he was a wolverine, all teeth and compact muscle ready to pounce on the next person to move. 

When he was sure that Nicky wasn’t going to say anything more, he shoved the taller man out into the hallway. “go to the shower room, Nicky, you stink like a whore.” 

Aaron looked at Nathaniel with assessing eyes, then to Kevin. “you’re an idiot.” Was all he said before traipsing after his cousin. 

“well, now you’ve met my delightful family. Come along Kevin.” Andrew turned away to follow his family. Kevin sent an apologetic look to the youngest teen and semi jogged after him.   
.

Shopping was hell. He’d never had to buy his own stuff before, never even had the choice in it. Now he was being asked opinions on colour and pattern and the latest punk-pop trends that where hitting 2006 with a storm. Nicky had made Nathaniel consider band merch and studded belts. He’d sworn off flared jeans and gagged when Kevin suggested inseam shorts. Nathaniel had tried to get some jean shorts off the rack and got a disgusted glare from each of the men there. 

Kevin bought Nathaniel some running shoes, in the palmetto state colours of white and orange. It was the only thing Nathaniel liked. The colour combination of red and black was forbidden by Andrew, who instead mounded fabrics dark grey, purple, and blue into Nathaniel’s arms. The kid rejected half of the stuff he selected, especially the black long-sleeve that was decorated by a series of rips in the front panel. 

His favourite things where the combat boots Andrew had selected, despite Nicky’s distraught protests about Andrew turing Nathaniel into a goth. 

“one goth is enough, don’t you think? Why must you turn him into your mini-me” 

“I wouldn’t be caught dead in hoodies three sizes too big for me” Andrew quipped back, shaking the plethora of oversized garments that Nate had insisted on. The ginger teen didn’t think he needed 6 bags worth of clothes, but there wasn’t much he could do to protest when Keven was waving a credit card around and Andrew was commanding the trip like a war head. 

The only benefit of the trip was that the precinct was relatively quiet, it being 10 am on a Monday, so there was no crowds and they could move at their own pace. What he’d been most worried about was being recognised, but no one even approached Kevin, let alone look his way. When they moved off to a Target though, it was different. Nathaniel clutched the back of Kevin’s shirt as the man followed behind Andrew who was pushing the bright red cart. They picked up a bug duvet and pillows, bed sheets in any colour but black, Kevin had insisted. Nathaniel was thankful, Rikos bedsheets where black in all three of his bedrooms. 

They also bought him books; Nathaniel tried to not look at the parenting section of the shelves, but it was hard to not sneak a peek into ‘caring for a new-born as a single mother’. They also bought him a Gameboy, insisting he needed hobbies for when he wasn’t at school. School. Nathaniel had forgotten about that. He’d tell Kevin he wasn’t going. Nate had done well with home schooling all his life, why would he change that now?

Kevin had attempted to engage Nathaniel as much as he could the whole trip, and Nicky had been more careful with his words when Andrew was within earshot. They had let him look at the exy stuff in the sport shop here they got the trainers, and didn’t complain when he took more than an hour in there. Kevin even explained to him how some of the more advanced equipment worked and bought him a magazine on the top professional exy teams. All in all, this was the best time Nathaniel had ever had when he wasn’t on his own.   
.

When he first found out about it, his instinct told him to throw away the stick and somehow get rid of the problem without letting Riko know it ever existed. 

He wished he had. But he was scared and Riko was waiting on the other side of the bathroom door. Riko was so happy. He’d picked Nathaniel up and swung him round like a rag doll, finishing with a passionate kiss and running to the other room to book an appointment with a doctor. 

Now though, it was definitely too late. In the mirror, Nathaniel found it hard to look at himself in the eyes. So he looked at the bump. It seemed to have grown since the last time he paid it any mind. 

Wymack’s collegiate exy team had been informed of what was happening with the kid on the second day after his arrival. Nathaniel didn’t want to meet them all, even if they’d already seen him in the gym and ignored him like asked. Recently the bump had been bothering him to the point where the thought of anyone seeing it made him dizzy and paranoid and itchy in his own skin. He planned to stick to swamping himself in the coach’s massive hoodie and hiding in the bedroom Abby offered to him till the day he died. Socialising wasn’t his thing, even without the current dismay he was feeling in his body. But he had to meet them eventually. 

Apparently, everyone at the house knew he was pregnant, now. Because of the news. His age protected him form his name being stated by the press, but they didn’t hesitate to milk to tragedy of an unnamed pregnant bride caught in the crossfire of a mob war. No one’s name was mentioned beyond the Butcher of Baltimore, really. There was lawyers and money involved. Kengo would be involved by now. 

But the foxes knew enough from Kevin to figure it out. The foxes tret Nathaniel like a doll. Less like the soft rag doll Riko dragged him about without a care as, and more like a China doll that had a heavy price on it. 

Technically, Nathaniel probably was worth a heavy price. He didn’t doubt the Moriyama’s willingness to place a price on his head as soon as he conceived Riko’s child. His father was probably benefiting handsomely in riches from the whole arrangement.   
.

Wymack’s decision to turn the Foxhole Court into a halfway house of sorts was nice in theory, but it meant his players were fractured isolationists who couldn't get along long enough to get through a game, and at best tried to kill each other off the court. Dinner was hectic. There was an obvious divide between the team. There were the girls, Dan Wilds, Renee Walker, Allison Reynolds and Janie Smalls with their drag along Matt Boyd. Then there was the eldest group, all men who looked volatile and where outwardly vile. They smelled of pot all the time. Lastly, there was Kevin's group. Or Andrews lot. Nathaniel had heard them being referred to as ‘The Monsters’ by Matt. 

Most of the team tried to be nice to the youngest boy, and the rest avoided interaction with him. The nicest, Renee with the pretty white and pastel hair, was one that Nathaniel wished would avoid him the most. But she was insistent on accommodating. It reminded Nathaniel too much of how Riko treats him. The gentle smiles. The careful ghosting touches. It made Nate sick to his stomach.

Sitting next to her at dinner had been awful. He didn’t eat. He knew people noticed, but no one said anything. A massive relief, because at home he’d be chastised even threatened for ruining his own health. 

Everyone at the table had served Nathaniel from the many dishes Abbey had placed on the table. Janie gave him more mac and cheese than she’d given herself. Kevin tried to counterbalance it with mounds of carrots and green beans. When Andrew served him last, a large dollop of buttered mashed potatoes, it was at least ten minutes into the meal. “Eat.” Was all he said before he turned back to stuffing his own face. The man’s wild grin made it look difficult to eat in such a manner, but he managed. 

To humour the man, he pushed his potatoes around the plate. 

The team where loud and boisterous, with constant bickering and conversations that jumped around topics that Nathaniel didn’t understand. Nicky, who was apparently Andrew and Aarons cousin despite drastic differences in their looks, tried to keep including Nathaniel, thinking that talking about celebrities and music in the now might interest the teenager a little. He didn’t have a clue. 

“-but how do you get your hair like that. I can never get my curls so big and effortlessly messy like that, no matter how much product I use” Nicky bantered towards Nathaniel. The teen put up his hood and shrugged, completely avoiding eye contact. Nicky seemed nice, but he reminded Nathaniel of what he could have had been like if he had been socialised normally, and that was just depressing. “and your eyes are so pretty. You know you’re gorgeous, right. I don’t blame Riko for dating you, I would too”

Andrew slammed his fork into the table with such force it stood stuck into the wood when he let go. Everyone at the table who had been ignoring Nicky’s happy attempt at chatter with Nathaniel went silent with the sudden noise. 

Aaron, in the new silence of the room, said “he’s 6 years younger than you, Nicky, go be gross somewhere else.” He didn’t even look up from his phone. Nathaniel silently thanked him. Everyone else looked from Nicky to Nathaniel, then to the fork Andrew had lanced into Abby’s poor table, and then slowly went back into their conversations from before. 

Nathaniel sat looking at his own hands for the rest of the dinner. Wymack chastised Andrew for hurting Abby’s furniture and promised he’d be revoked rights to eating utensils next week. Somewhere into the dessert, Renee lent down into Nathaniel’s eye level and asked if he needed another drink. Nathaniel shook his head and was left alone for the rest of the time the others ate. When he heard some of the young adults asking, “is he okay?” (Matt), and “what do we do?”(Dan), and “how fucked up in the head is he anyway?”(Seth), “if you’d all stop being such rowdy idiots”(Wymack), he pretended to not hear any of them.


End file.
